I Need To Remember That I Am Amazing

I need to remember that I am amazing.
Compliments from others will never stick
unless I believe them.

This is why I am troubled.
This is why I can't believe him.
This is why I fear May.
I tremble that he will notice
how frail
how simple
how plain
how tremulous
how silly
how dull
how boring
I am.

But I'm not those things!
I am something
entirely
brilliant
unique
amazing
glowing
and bright!
When I don't aim to impress, I shine!
I've seen it!  I've felt it!
I am that woman!

But when suddenly I need him to love me,
my colors fade under the harsh light of my own terrified eye,
and I feel limp and vacant.
And feeling limp and vacant
makes you limp and vacant.

But I must not be as limp and vacant as I feel I am,
because he still calls me.

...

WHY CAN'T THAT BE MY PROOF?
WHY CAN'T I BELIEVE HIM?

Because I need to believe it without him, first.
And then every piece of love he gives me will make sense,
because I love me, too.

My home is the sea by Matt Wisniewski