The Poem Product Of A Contemplative Day

You were right.
I hurt you.
I needed to back away to see it.
But it is not enough to see it.

I didn't relax.
I didn't believe.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't comfort you when you needed it.
I couldn't because I wasn't comforted.
I don't say that as an excuse, merely as a reason.
Cause and effect.

I wish that I were different
For you.
I wish that you were different
For me.
But we're not.  We are us.
And you are not the kind of responsible I need to feel relaxed.
I am not the kind of relaxed you need to feel loved.

You are right.  I'm not absolved.
But both of us are only ourselves.
I wasn't doing it on purpose
Anymore than you have grown your talents slowly out of spite.

Now I really wish that acknowledgement were the key
To unlocking the beauty of US.
I don't want to let you go.
I want you and me, I want us to stay.
I don't want to take off this ring.
I don't want to start again.
But I don't think it works that way.
Just wanting to be good for each other
Doesn't change who we are.

Yes, you can say the atonement can change people's hearts.
But is it our hearts that need changing?

You are plagued by self-doubt that you battle with idealism.
I fear being abandoned in the trenches, so I arm myself with pragmatism.

Maybe yes, maybe Christ can take our fears and soothe them.
Maybe he can take your idealism and match it with motivation.
Maybe he can take my pragmatism and match it with faith.
In fact, I do believe He can and will, if we let him.
But we have been too chaotic, too dashing up against each other.
There have been too many issues in the way.
We need peace.
We need time.

Oh this hurts, to think that you are just a friend.
Just-Friends of the other sex tend to fade with time.
And you will find someone else,
And your eyes will no longer meet mine with a light in them.

But maybe
Just maybe
We can become who we ought,
And we will meet again (soon?),
And we will match up just right.
Anxiety, fear, and frustration will make but brief appearances
In contrast to the brightness and love and peace
That will fill us, together.
Same time.
Same pace.
Same place.

That is my hope and consolation.
Because I love you.
Truly,
A__________

Ambrosia's Love Letter by Michael Durst

I Believe You, I Believe You Not

Dearest, I believe your simple dreamings.
Lure me in with promises of blessed days,
Sweetest nights.  Call down the grace of heaven.
Banish every care and teach me peaceful ways.
When you see my mouth grow tight, catch me
Up into the clouds where life is spread so broad.
Rivers always meet the sea and rain will
Always fall, so close my eyes with kisses now.
I don't need to know or see the fruit to
Taste perfection in your orchard dreams.

Fragrances by Elena Oleniuc

Reacting To Gravity

The feeling of standing in a rocking boat,
Toeing the edge of a cliff,
Bouncing too high on a trampoline.
That feeling.

That feeling belongs in dreams, not in my reality.
I refuse to be intimidated by my own uncertainty.
I decide how to react to gravity.
I know I can
Because sometimes in my dreams
I fall and fly and climb with no fear
And no stomach lurch.

I Told Him To Go

Behold

My life will never be the same again.
You change my future
And also all my possible futures.
The options without you
Lack you.

Behold the power of choice.

One Of The Falling Ones

The cottage is full of soft warmth.
Summertime is seeping in.
You step out and turn to me,
Standing expectant in the hot sunshine,
Surrounded by bright dust motes and chickens,
Tulips by the gate.

My hands linger on the door frame
The grain familiar and worn under my fingertips.
I smile and push off and out
Towards you and the sun.

But my feet meet no ground.
The chickens and their yard dissolve.
You are frozen in the memory of the previous instant
And I fall.

***

A dream.  Last night.
One of the falling ones
When your body believes in the shock.